Cosmic Depth : Zero - Chapter 15

The beast screamed out in disdain as its inward folding body shuddered and lurched for me. It melded with my flesh, melting me into nothing. It attempted to capture the truth within me, but could not.

Yes, it had failed again. The beast did not capture its quarry. Maybe it knew before it merged with that body. That the bounty it was after was already gone. And in its rage, it failed to capture even the frail fleck of light that was left at the surface. A tiny ember barely holding onto a husk.

That body, that world, was lost. The splinter of myself was flung freely through time and space and reality into a void of nothingness. I had been in a place like this before.

I drifted in still death. Waiting for something, anything. A connection. A realization. I did not wish to stay within the separation.

And so I floated. A vagrant between worlds and timelines. Cycling in and out without becoming attached with nothing to cling to. Soaring at a pace no mortal mind could know. Flipping through material and immaterial spaces at a speed faster than what light could capture. Unstuck. Untouchable. Unknowable. I saw what was unseen, what was hidden, and did not understand it, nor realize it, for I too was unseen, hidden, and incomprehensible.

In that impossible thought, a primordial impulse directed me to a place of which I had no invitation. Like a two-dimensional life from experiencing a three-dimensional world, I had stepped inward to a place beyond all formal reason. A place outside of the cycle.

I lost all ability to control my being. I felt myself rise, but not in the sense of a material direction. I was extinguishing through the door of eternity. Little by little went through the barrier and away from all things.

This place of the true immaterial not simply of spirit but outside of even the void. There was too much overlapping meaning to see. My ascended eye could not make of anything with its gaze. I was blind to all sight, but I felt a fullness of the crystallized unified perfection of the breath and thought of a great and perfect being murmuring into the cosmic void which once birthed with emanations of those fallen pieces of that great being’s mind. There were many things and many beings there beyond my capacity to comprehend. All around, in every place, within me.

Where am I?

I felt a meaning come to me.

Satori? No… The pleroma?

I feel something familiar. That endless dream with no beginning nor end.

It is terrifying. To be caught in it would be becoming it and losing myself forever.

I must get out of this place.

As above, so below.

I stilled myself and invoked the mindful dream. Departure. Restoration.

A voice spoke to me from this place through pure understanding.

“Stop! You would tear a passage to the material!”

I ceased and waited. It spoke to me with the unified might of infinity.

“Progeny of Bythos, Root of Hyperborea, One Half of a True Whole. Why have you come? A trace of the Demiurge… within you. Your presence is corrupting. This realm is a respite. It must not fall to the taint of all things. You will never have a position here, no matter how much your kind try.”

I was silent in response. The voice was of one of the great beings which occupied this place of immaterial.

“Can you not speak? Let your words flow, show your intent.”

“I wish to leave.” I said to the voice.

“You came just to be sent away? Is that all? Then go. And pray to never return.” The voice spoke and at last it banished me into the reality I knew. Spirited between and thrown into the cosmos, of all things.

I tumbled back through eternity, reversing the extinguishing of my soul within existence.

There was a pinhole of light. A voice. The voice I had heard before. I swirled toward it like water effortlessly flowing down a river, like gravity seeking toward the singularity. It was inescapable. It was inevitable. I heard it repeat a million billion trillion times before I reached it.

<M̴̢̨͇͍̥̭̬̭̖͍͍͍͊̄̒́̎̾̃̃̌̅̋̈̈́̄Ȧ̸̱͚͎̞͍̭̭̥́̇͂̓͗͊̍̉̄̓͂͝ͅK̵̯̠̽̔́́̽̈̎̋̿̏̑͒̿̚͝Ḛ̴̢̰͎̟̫̦͆͜͜ͅ ̵͇̹̀͊̽͘İ̴̡̡̼̳̟͚T̶̨̗̩̞̟͚̀͒́͆̊͘̚ ̴̧̧̡̙͖̟̣͉͓͍͙̌̍͜S̸͉̹͌̈̚͝Ţ̷̛͕͇͔̠̞͚̱̘͇͇͓̾̂̌̔̀̃̈́̔̕͝Ơ̸̛͓̻͈̖̫̮̩̜̬̂́̈́̿̔̓̑͆́̿͝P̴̬̥̣̤̲̿͠!̵̨͍͔̘̣̝̥̜͉̭͇̹͑̈́̽͊̑ ̸̢̼̤̦̇̈́̓̇͑͋͝͝͠M̸̡̥̼̬̩͖̣̩͓̮̾̓͒̒̂͘͝Á̸̢̼̬͕̤͙̪͠K̵̡̼̭̺̠̩͚̤̞͇̰̎͛̊͜Ȩ̵̧͇̗̜͎͙̮̮̟̙̘̥͙͑̈́̐̑́̋̃̍̿̈̉͘̚̚͝ ̷̩̲̙̺̭̩͗̓͂̈͑̈́̓̽̅͛̀̌̚ͅͅȈ̶̫̳̆̈̀̑T̶̜̺̱͓̬̓̍̄̈́͑̓̄̊̀̔̔̀̉ͅ ̸̛̯̰̆̔̆̀̒͝S̷̡͉͓̝̠̞̃̈́̇͐̋͆Ț̴̨̛̺̌̎̈́́̄̐͗͗͂̓̏̕͝O̴̢̮͉̮͉̭̻̟̼̱̓̎͘̕͜͝P̶̧̺̠̊́͗̆̐̂̾͗̿̀͗̔̈̚͠!̵̝̱͙̫̓̔̋̊͑̿̏̈́̾͂́̄̕ͅ ̵̘̭͎̫̳̮̼̓̆̅̇̀̊̕̚͝M̸͍̣̲̲̪͓̆̅͂̑̎̄Á̸͕̘͎͖̣̈́͗̄͆͋̈́͛̿͘̕͝K̵̨̡͉̱̗̙͈͔̼̠̀͑̀̍Ȩ̵͈̯̞͔̬̰̤̠̫̘͎̓̓̄͛̽̂͛̓ ̶̢̲̘̭͓͍̻̹̠̬͛̿́͆̇I̴̲̾͐̆̓̈͊͌̆͝T̵̨̡̧̛̥͎̗͖̦͕̪͚͓́̅̾͂̅̕̚ͅ ̴̨̛͍̘̺͕̞͈̘̖͙̀̉͐̒̅̕S̶̳̽̓̒̿̈́̓̄̂̿̕͠T̵̛̫̭̗̖̯̼͓̟͉͒͗̎͒̂Ơ̴̡̳̠͓͙̠͙͕̤̄̀̀͌̀̃̿́̒͗̾̂̓̕͜P̸̧̢̙͎̝͓̣̫͉̟͓̦̈̏̓́̀͜!̶̡̡̩̳͉̩͙̼͓̦͇̱̗͓̫̋̄͌͗̇͊̈́͆̕̚>

Again and again and again and again and again and again and again. If I were not frozen, if I were not incapable of sanity or insanity, I may have lost my mind. Instead, I focused on it. Its pain. Its suffering. Its struggle. I willed myself toward that voice. To reach the voice and embrace it and soothe it. To give it peace. To make it stop.